Have Hope
I guess when you’ve been hurt & disappointed as much as I have, You start to expect it from everyone. Maybe that’s why I have issues with letting people get to know me, why I don’t tell anyone anything that is personal, because that way I can’t get hurt. My walls are starting to fall when it comes to a certain person. What’s more powerful than fear is hope. & I truly hope I made the right decision to trust you. It amazes me how people look at me & think I’m just a pretty face & that I don’t have one thing wrong in my life. Honestly not many things go right in my life. I haven’t been the jealous type, or clingy, or even want to see or talk to the person I was with. It didn’t matter to me because I didn’t care enough. Everything is starting to change now that I am getting older & more capable of maturity & showing people how caring I can be. Falling in love with someone is a terrifying thought to have. It’s scary because you already know that with that one simple emotion, comes a lot of pain, sadness, sorrow, & you put yourself through it because you have hope in the other person. I’m not in love. Most people say if you love someone you either always will or never did, & as heartless as it sounds, I guess I never truly loved anyone. Rejection is not something I am familiar with except for once. It was one of the worst experiences I’ve come to know, but I am grateful for it. I needed to face reality. I trust the person I am with now, because I have hope & faith in him. He pisses me off, makes me sad, angry, irritated, frustrated, but above all the happiest girl in the world. I expected him to treat me like a princess right off the bat like every single other guy in the world, but instead, he showed me reality & made me realize i was living a fairytale. I found myself have many 1st time memories with him, & I love it. When he smiles at me, I forget everything he did wrong & cherish that moment. I realize everyone makes mistakes, I most certainly do. he’s there for me when I tell him personal, emotional things about my past & my family, he opens & closes the car door for me every time, gives the best hugs, trails his fingers up & down my spine until I fall asleep when he cuddles with me, gives me a kiss goodnight, & when I wake up next to him he kisses me good morning, and he makes me smile. I never thought of the good when I thought of the bad & now I do. Sometimes you need to swallow your pride & take the good with the bad. Nothing & no one is perfect. But that one boy is my perfect imperfection & I wouldn’t change him for the world. I will be in love with him one day, & I won’t be scared, because I have hope.<3
